did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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