I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
