She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
