Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
