1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Couch. On fire.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
