Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
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Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
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It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize