just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
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I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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