after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
