she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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