Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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