I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
