problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Welp...herpes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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