Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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