Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize