she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you didnt know i had herpes?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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