You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
