I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just tell him i said nine months
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
