remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
