Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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