apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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