when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
