Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
