im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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