hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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