You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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