so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
