Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
