Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
