it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
