I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
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I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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