MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's never too late to be topless.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
