my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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