It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
