This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
