the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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