For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
