my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
