Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
