And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
