I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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