Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream

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  (203): Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream http://tfl.nu/mtat
  Replies (23) Good night (808) Bad night (4674)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.

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  (304): Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck. http://tfl.nu/b4ti
  Replies (31) Good night (1637) Bad night (6252)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"

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  (727): There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000" http://tfl.nu/9a0a
  Replies (13) Good night (2457) Bad night (1072)
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  (408): View more from California

  Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.

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  (408): Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities. http://tfl.nu/yskk
  Replies (2) Good night (1944) Bad night (696)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.

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  (256): Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier. http://tfl.nu/oxri
  Replies (5) Good night (2425) Bad night (1042)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"

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  (508): Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!" http://tfl.nu/hrv9
  Replies (6) Good night (2227) Bad night (893)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Nevermind. Totally worth it.

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  (734): Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy (734): Nevermind. Totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/cbwr
  Replies (3) Good night (1387) Bad night (944)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.

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  (704): She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason. http://tfl.nu/coul
  Replies (4) Good night (1643) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.

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  (530): All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls. http://tfl.nu/uabx
  Replies (12) Good night (907) Bad night (1208)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"

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  (609): I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies... (1-609): You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award" http://tfl.nu/ecqm
  Replies (3) Good night (984) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Why were you not born a dude?

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Because god wanted to level the playing field

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  (727): Why were you not born a dude? (1-727): Because god wanted to level the playing field http://tfl.nu/5cfo
  Replies (3) Good night (1132) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.

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  (720): I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver. http://tfl.nu/9cmy
  Replies (4) Good night (660) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night

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  (508): I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night http://tfl.nu/3slk
  Replies (2) Good night (504) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?

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  (443): The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB? http://tfl.nu/r425
  Replies (9) Good night (788) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.

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  (314): I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either. http://tfl.nu/ocw7
  Replies (1) Good night (402) Bad night (211)

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