His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am