Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.