I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug