it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
