Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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