i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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