God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
