dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
