Don't you send me to vm
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
