So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Damn victory sex feels great
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