I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
