i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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