It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
