I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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