i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
