is your mom at the bar?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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