awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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