Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
