Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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