i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
