I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
