He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
