How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
