Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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