yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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