Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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