Your face is a jimmy john
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
These tits shall not be calmed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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