Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
