This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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